Signs That You Are Going to Marry a PhD and Not a Person:

1. Triggering event: You briefly start to date a guy in your PhD program, who, a few days in, tells you it can't be serious because he's leaving in a month to go across the country for law school. Unprompted, the thought pops into your head: "Oh my God, I am going to get married to a PhD."

2. You are told that you are un-dateable because you can't have any idea where you're going to be living (like, ever).

3. Your mother tells you that your parents wanted to set aside $20,000 for your wedding but that the money is getting used up by helping you through grad school instead.

4. You expect your progeny to come in the form of 1) an article; 2) a dissertation; 3) a book; 4) another article or something; 5) an e-book for when books don't exist anymore, etc. . .

5. You buy a really big fluffy cat. And think about cloning it.

More to come, like as not. . .