Jason's on ob-gyn for the next month or so, and if you've talked to me in the last 24 hours you know that I am now living in a state of absolute horror and disgust at the idea of having a baby. He didn't even tell us that much--all he had to do was talk about how loudly the women scream and I just wanted to go into the bathroom and throw up. No, I'm not pregnant. But I am extremely appalled and offended at 1) Life; 2) Modern medicine; 3) My entire physical existence. Why?
1) Why are people built in such a generally crappy way? It seems like women's bodies are incredibly stupidly and inconveniently designed. It's enough to make me want to dispose of mine right now, except that there are all sorts of stupid personal identity issues with that.
2) Why, if we can do crazy things like transplant people's hearts, can't childbirth be painless, and people be easily restored to their former proper state?
Other fears about having children:
1) What if your child is the spawn of the devil and sucks away your lifeblood? (I told this to Nick and he asked if I'd sleep with the devil and I said probably not. But isn't half the point that you wouldn't know it was the devil at the time, or that you'd be unable to prevent it from happening?).
2) What if it's not a child at all, but some horrible beast-like thing growing inside you?
3) What if it turns out that you were sharing your body with a future mass-murderer?
What this all tells me is that if I ever DO want to have children, I should probably stop studying the Gothic.
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